A little poem.
I only post this because I know I have no readers.
Empty words
Sitting sullenly at the bottom of my feet.
Empty tears
Hot and tired,
Pressed unwillingly from my eyelids
Silently.
Empty Hearts--
Lined up and waiting for each new chance to break.
Empty silence,
Quiet Regrets,
Surrounding each mistake.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I'm a Murderer
We had a really long winter this year.
I hate the winter. At first it's lovely: the snow falls and covers the earth in sheets of silence...icicles hang like icing off the roofs of houses...the wind brings color back into my ever-pale face...I get to wear warm mittens and soft scarves...and then it gets ugly. After the tenth snow day the nine feet of snow become disenchanting. It's no longer a fun challenge to clear the driveway so that I can drive to the store without getting stuck multiple times. It's too cold to go outside. It's too wet to go outside. I stay inside all day and get DEPRESSED.
But my point wasn't winter depression. My point was that during a long winter such as this past one, it's easy to forget all the fun little nuances of spring. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I mean, just because we can't see any signs of grass or leaves in the winter doesn't mean that we forget how green the earth is when spring gets here. But it's the little things we forget about. Like clovers. I forgot all about clovers. One day in early April I was walking around without my shoes on, and I felt something unusually (that word has a lot of u's) soft under my bare feet. I looked down and noticed that the ground had erupted into beds of clover. I was delighted. Clover comes in huge patches. It smells sweet, and it's softer than a pile of feathers (I don't actually understand why people are so into feathers. They're like needles with eyelashes).
Another thing that I forgot about was lightning bugs. Fireflies. I don't know where I've been these past few summers (I suppose my twilight hours have always been filled with CI rehearsals. I just assumed they didn't have fireflies in Decorah), but I forgot all about those little buggers. Now I'm free to wander around after sunset, watching hundreds of little bugs wink at me. It's almost as if they're choreagraphed, like those Christmas lights that blink in weird patterns. The lightning bugs look so happy. And they're everywhere.
I killed a lightning bug.
Just by looking at it.
I was walking...really slowly...staring at the scintillating wonders all around me, and then I noticed one in particular. He was beautiful. Maybe it was a she. I really can't tell. Anyway, I stopped to look at it, and it stopped to look at me. I smiled at it, and it winked at me with its little butt-light. Several times. Now, I'm no fool. I know what that means. The light for a lightning bug is its mating call. This insect was falling in love with me. And I'm pretty sure the feelings were mutual.
It was flying lower and lower, closer to the ground. And then it dropped. Dead. I screamed and ran along on my merry way, unbelieving that I had killed that poor, innocent creature. But then I remembered that Fireflies don't only fly, but they also walk around sometimes. This made me sigh with relief. I hadn't killed the bug; He was just tired of flying.
I walked a few more steps and then a thought occured to me.
I turned around to see if the bug had transformed itself into a handsome prince waiting on the sidewalk to whisk me away to his enchanted castle.
But he hadn't. Better luck next time.
*peace*
I hate the winter. At first it's lovely: the snow falls and covers the earth in sheets of silence...icicles hang like icing off the roofs of houses...the wind brings color back into my ever-pale face...I get to wear warm mittens and soft scarves...and then it gets ugly. After the tenth snow day the nine feet of snow become disenchanting. It's no longer a fun challenge to clear the driveway so that I can drive to the store without getting stuck multiple times. It's too cold to go outside. It's too wet to go outside. I stay inside all day and get DEPRESSED.
But my point wasn't winter depression. My point was that during a long winter such as this past one, it's easy to forget all the fun little nuances of spring. Out of sight, out of mind, right? I mean, just because we can't see any signs of grass or leaves in the winter doesn't mean that we forget how green the earth is when spring gets here. But it's the little things we forget about. Like clovers. I forgot all about clovers. One day in early April I was walking around without my shoes on, and I felt something unusually (that word has a lot of u's) soft under my bare feet. I looked down and noticed that the ground had erupted into beds of clover. I was delighted. Clover comes in huge patches. It smells sweet, and it's softer than a pile of feathers (I don't actually understand why people are so into feathers. They're like needles with eyelashes).
Another thing that I forgot about was lightning bugs. Fireflies. I don't know where I've been these past few summers (I suppose my twilight hours have always been filled with CI rehearsals. I just assumed they didn't have fireflies in Decorah), but I forgot all about those little buggers. Now I'm free to wander around after sunset, watching hundreds of little bugs wink at me. It's almost as if they're choreagraphed, like those Christmas lights that blink in weird patterns. The lightning bugs look so happy. And they're everywhere.
I killed a lightning bug.
Just by looking at it.
I was walking...really slowly...staring at the scintillating wonders all around me, and then I noticed one in particular. He was beautiful. Maybe it was a she. I really can't tell. Anyway, I stopped to look at it, and it stopped to look at me. I smiled at it, and it winked at me with its little butt-light. Several times. Now, I'm no fool. I know what that means. The light for a lightning bug is its mating call. This insect was falling in love with me. And I'm pretty sure the feelings were mutual.
It was flying lower and lower, closer to the ground. And then it dropped. Dead. I screamed and ran along on my merry way, unbelieving that I had killed that poor, innocent creature. But then I remembered that Fireflies don't only fly, but they also walk around sometimes. This made me sigh with relief. I hadn't killed the bug; He was just tired of flying.
I walked a few more steps and then a thought occured to me.
I turned around to see if the bug had transformed itself into a handsome prince waiting on the sidewalk to whisk me away to his enchanted castle.
But he hadn't. Better luck next time.
*peace*
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Le Petit Prince
In Antoine de Saint-Exupery's popular children's novel, a young prince from a small planet falls in love with a flower. He thought it was the most unique and beautiful thing in the world, so he loved it.
When I read the book, I thought it was beyond the realm of silly. The prince was a person, and the flower was a flower. It's one thing to draw a sheep in a box, but it's quite another to be in love with an inanimate object.
But then I saw this rose.
And now I think I understand.
It just goes to show: Don't judge anyone else's love.
I don't know whose point I'm trying to prove with this.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I Love Music!!!!
Why I chose to major in Music Education
One of those college entrance essay things.
Enjoy!
It is 8:30 on a Friday evening. First Semester finals just ended. Most of my friends are out together having fun, but I've been in my bedroom practicing the same two measures for the past twenty minutes. Why did Handel's trumpet piece have to be so difficult? Why do I need the fast Locrian runs to feel so flowing and effortless, when I am doing all I can just to keep filling my lungs with air and keep blood flowing to my frantic fingers? Why did I decide that I needed to spend hours a day practicing my trumpet instead of doing something...useful?
I take a moment to remember what has brought me to this point.
When I was in eighth grade, my Civics teacher, Mrs. Dunley, told me that with my test scores I was fit to be ruler of the universe (remember that? And some people were destined to become ship captains...lol. She was nuts). Knowing that I wanted to change the world someday, I decided that I would grow up to be a politician. This was not an unrealistic goal for me, since my interest in Mock Trial led me to contemplate a future in law school. However, as the years went by and I moved through high school, I grew skeptical of Politics. If the face of Humanity is going to change, it is going to change from the inside, not from the top. (Here's an article that helped me come to that conclusion. click here Totally worth the read)
I have always loved music. I was singing songs as soon as I learned to talk, and I jumped at the chance to join band in fifth grade. Right now it is my goal to become a music educator and performer. Music, especially my high school music program, has done so much for me. I know that if i can help provide music to youth for the rest of my life, I will be able to change the world.
Although I have always loved singing, playing my trumpet, composing, and performing, I was hesitant to become a music major. There were several sources of fear and uncertainty. Music is such a competitive field; I was worried that I would never be good enough. Also, it is difficult to find steady work as a performer, and jobs are scarce even for educators. I was very worried about making a living and my parents were quite concerned about my finacial security. Success in music requires an excess of discipline, knowledge, skill, heart, and inpiration. I eventually decided that the benefits of studying music outweigh the risks, and now I am willing to do whatever it takes to have a career in music, because I know that I would never be able to give it up. I knew that no matter what I chose for my career there would always be the fear of failure. Since I am so passionate about music, the fear is slowly becoming irrelevant. I am proud to be entering college as a Music Education major, and I know that no matter what happens to me in the future, I will be glad that I made that choice.
why is music so important? Humans are trapped inside of themselves. Technology forces us into seemingly efficient yet grossly inexpressive ways of communicating. In a world with an increasingly globablized economy, communication barriers are being broken down right and left, yet the individual remains isolated unless he has some way to relate to his past, his society, and his emotions. Music is that vehicle. Music forces us to be expressive; to not just speak, but to lesten, to understand, and to feel. Music frees us from our inner prisons and helps us to truly experience life, so that we are more than just robots.
Hopefully, with the skills that I've been developing over the past eight years and with the skills and experience I will gain from UNI, I will become effective with my trumpet performance so that I can help listeners connect to society. It is my aim to help other musicians to do the same. There is nothing better than helping and watching someone else grow.
Now it is 8:55 on that same Friday night. I turn off my metronome and do one last run through of the final movement to the Handel piece. The notes flow out of my horn like a cascading waterfall. Each note seems to have a life of its own. I get chills. This is what it is all about. This is what I have decided to dedicate my to.
Over the years my teachers have encouraged me to do great things in the fields of science, math, law and politics (.......maybe not math. or science. hehehehe...), but I decided that I want to change the world, so I decided to major in Music Education. Music has changed my life, and I hope that through my future performance and teaching, I can change others' lives as well.
One of those college entrance essay things.
Enjoy!
It is 8:30 on a Friday evening. First Semester finals just ended. Most of my friends are out together having fun, but I've been in my bedroom practicing the same two measures for the past twenty minutes. Why did Handel's trumpet piece have to be so difficult? Why do I need the fast Locrian runs to feel so flowing and effortless, when I am doing all I can just to keep filling my lungs with air and keep blood flowing to my frantic fingers? Why did I decide that I needed to spend hours a day practicing my trumpet instead of doing something...useful?
I take a moment to remember what has brought me to this point.
When I was in eighth grade, my Civics teacher, Mrs. Dunley, told me that with my test scores I was fit to be ruler of the universe (remember that? And some people were destined to become ship captains...lol. She was nuts). Knowing that I wanted to change the world someday, I decided that I would grow up to be a politician. This was not an unrealistic goal for me, since my interest in Mock Trial led me to contemplate a future in law school. However, as the years went by and I moved through high school, I grew skeptical of Politics. If the face of Humanity is going to change, it is going to change from the inside, not from the top. (Here's an article that helped me come to that conclusion. click here Totally worth the read)
I have always loved music. I was singing songs as soon as I learned to talk, and I jumped at the chance to join band in fifth grade. Right now it is my goal to become a music educator and performer. Music, especially my high school music program, has done so much for me. I know that if i can help provide music to youth for the rest of my life, I will be able to change the world.
Although I have always loved singing, playing my trumpet, composing, and performing, I was hesitant to become a music major. There were several sources of fear and uncertainty. Music is such a competitive field; I was worried that I would never be good enough. Also, it is difficult to find steady work as a performer, and jobs are scarce even for educators. I was very worried about making a living and my parents were quite concerned about my finacial security. Success in music requires an excess of discipline, knowledge, skill, heart, and inpiration. I eventually decided that the benefits of studying music outweigh the risks, and now I am willing to do whatever it takes to have a career in music, because I know that I would never be able to give it up. I knew that no matter what I chose for my career there would always be the fear of failure. Since I am so passionate about music, the fear is slowly becoming irrelevant. I am proud to be entering college as a Music Education major, and I know that no matter what happens to me in the future, I will be glad that I made that choice.
why is music so important? Humans are trapped inside of themselves. Technology forces us into seemingly efficient yet grossly inexpressive ways of communicating. In a world with an increasingly globablized economy, communication barriers are being broken down right and left, yet the individual remains isolated unless he has some way to relate to his past, his society, and his emotions. Music is that vehicle. Music forces us to be expressive; to not just speak, but to lesten, to understand, and to feel. Music frees us from our inner prisons and helps us to truly experience life, so that we are more than just robots.
Hopefully, with the skills that I've been developing over the past eight years and with the skills and experience I will gain from UNI, I will become effective with my trumpet performance so that I can help listeners connect to society. It is my aim to help other musicians to do the same. There is nothing better than helping and watching someone else grow.
Now it is 8:55 on that same Friday night. I turn off my metronome and do one last run through of the final movement to the Handel piece. The notes flow out of my horn like a cascading waterfall. Each note seems to have a life of its own. I get chills. This is what it is all about. This is what I have decided to dedicate my to.
Over the years my teachers have encouraged me to do great things in the fields of science, math, law and politics (.......maybe not math. or science. hehehehe...), but I decided that I want to change the world, so I decided to major in Music Education. Music has changed my life, and I hope that through my future performance and teaching, I can change others' lives as well.
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