Run, Katie, Run!

This week was a crazy psycological rollercoaster of a spiritual journey.

It started out with desperate disillusionment. This happens occasionally when my pictures of the world are turned inside out by new information or insight. I won't share with you what started it, because none of you would understand. *curls up in her little emo corner*

In this vulnerable state I began to question my friendships. Who are those that I am really closest to? Am I making those relationships a priority? I've always believed that relationships are the most important building blocks of our lives. If those aren't worth anything, then what am I living for?

Then I began to ponder whether the things we leave behind are more important then the people we connect with. If it is indeed possible to really "connect" with anyone. *retreats again into the emo corner*

So I started analyzing the people around me. I didn't like what I saw. Nobody in this whole goshforsaken world seems to care about anyone but himself. All around me were lazy people, impatient people, stupid people, boring people, people who are too tall or too ugly or just generally hopeless.
This differs dramatically from my previous opinion that all people are good and have pure qualities that are revealed when one pays close and special attention. I also used to believe that everyone is equally physically beautiful. This week my mind was opened to the possibility that there are ugly, really ugly people out there.

So here are all these people with evil qualities and horrifying personality traits. Maybe they're not even trying! Does this make them...bad? Are there bad people in the world? What is a bad person, and how do they get to be that way? Were they just unfortunate in their childhood experiences? Or were they born that way? Is it a choice?

At least I'm not like that.

....am I?

.................what if I am?......

I need to fix it.

But the more I focused on trying to be a good person, the more frustrated I became.
And what about my "friends"? Are they good people? Are they hurting my goodness? Do they think I'm a good person? Do they love me? Who loves me??

It was as I lay trying to fall asleep after a long day of rehearsing at all-state music festival, in a hotel room with my very best friend on this earth that I remembered something that I learned a long time ago.

"For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus"
-Romans 3:23-24

"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord"
-Romans 6:23

Wow. Why was I so worried by the thought that there might be bad people in this world? Open your eyes, Katie, We're ALL bad people. We screw up and we make stnanks and we're lazy and selfish and we can't save ourselves, because no matter how witty you are, there is nothing charming enough to make your life less pathetic.
Lucky that there IS someone that loves you, that cares about you enough to pay a ginormous price to make up for your stnanks, for your human sickness and wrongness, to give you hope so that your life doesn't have to be grounded in this fault of humanity.

"Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."
-Romans 6:8-12

What am I living for?

By the way:
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful"
-Psalm 139:14

We really are beautiful, because He made us.

And that's how I thought about a lot of things this week and ended up coming back to the most simple beliefs of the religion I was born into. Funny how that works.

*peace*

...is to type all of your sporadic thoughts into a nifty little blog.

Here's my life story:

I am MT Nside.
I come in roughly once a week to occasionally sneeze.
I was terrified for a few moments roughly twenty minutes ago. Terrified of what?
I used the word roughly twice.
I'm a little stressed out, though I know that I'm not doing as much as I could be doing, and i absolutely NEVER (except for sometimes) do homework.
Hey, okay? I'm worried because i have an important audition coming up.
And I'm sad because I auditioned for the play and didn't make it. *Sad Day*
*Das Yad*

Huh. I thought this blog would be longer. I guess i just don't have that many thoughts any more. It make me feel stupid to see everything laid out like that...

Yay! But since you went to all the trouble to read this, I might as well make up a fun little story to make it worth your while.

I found the basement of Hoover High School. Living in it were three men: Coach Tate, Mr. Boughman, and the former drama instructor. they were living off spam and baked beans, worship-ing a giant octopus. when I called them on the octopus thing they came to their senses and decided to come out of the basement and become Hoover High School's new and improved Mock Trial Coaches/Teacher Sponsors. Now every Monday nite the Mock Trial team visits spaghetti works downtown to hear live funk music played by the Celebration Iowa JazzBand, which lives in Nebraska.

The End.

my thoughts on a quiet bus ride across Iowa:

Don't let me forget who I am
And how I got here
And let me pull through
Bring me to the place
Where I need no comfort
Or safety
Because everything I need
Is in you.

Help me find a way
To show these people
What really matters, Bo
And show them how much I love them
And help me to love myself
Maintain the slightest bit of dignity
But throw my silly self-perception out the door
and away.

Don't let me forget who I am
And everything I've been through
Show me how to leave my comfort zone
Show me how to be
The perfect servant
And what you intended for me
Thank you for the music
That brought me here
And keeps me here
Tying me back to my past
And driving me towards my future
Let the music show me
Who I really am.

I'll keep this short, because I don't really have much to say, and because I don't want to be rude to the nice family that is letting me use their internet.

Tour is nice. It's both fun and stressful to put on a show every day. some host families are really interesting, but so far I've only gotten the really nice ones.

I miss everybody. A lot.
And I miss my home town. I miss Des Moines.

Our show is a lot of fun, and I can't wait for every single one of you to see it. I think we do well and we keep improving.

It's frustrating not to have individual practice time with my instrument any more. I'm always either performing, or running through things for a performance.

The people here are great. And the level of musicianship is awesome.

Yesturday was a rec day and we went to a water park. Storm Lake is so pretty and it reminds me of Okoboji. because I won't be visiting Okoboji this summer.
*tear*.

overall this has been a crazy positive experience.

that's it.

my fourth update on the marvel that is Celebration Iowa Rehearsal Camp.

The Luther Campus is so beautiful. I love it here.
It's Sunday, so we were allowed to sleep in, if we choose. I went to Church. It was a Lutheran Church, but not at all like my church at home. I'm glad that it was different. I enjoy contrast.

I discovered the track here and have gone running a little bit. I always forget how much I love it until I have a lot of bottled up emotions that all get released when I run. Running on a track is different from running around my neighborhood, but I like it because you don't have anything to distract you and it's harder to keep track of how far you've run. It's better that way. All the same, I'm getting sick of making left turns.

We've gone through all three of the vocal sets. Right now we're working on the Broadway set, which has a lot of problems in the band arrangements. The British set had some problems too, but I think we fixed them more quickly. The British set is still my favorite, but Broadway has its moments.

Guess what we worked on in improve class yesterday.
Impressions.
yeah. I'm serious.
anyone from 7th hour jazz class would know what I'm talking about.

It's still weird for me to play the 3rd trumpet part. They're always telling us to listen up to the lead, which I'm perfectly fine doing, but I'm just not used to it. I feel like I really stick out of the sound sometimes. This is probably the tightest band I've ever been in, so whenever I screw up it's really noticeable. On the other hand, when no one screws up, we end up sounding really good.

I wonder how often the average band member makes a stnank.